Cu Chi Tunnel Museum - Vietnam

Saatchi+Saatchi Vietnam recently won awards for its print ad campaign for what is now a top tourist attraction near Ho Chi Minh City.



Edgy.

Windbags and Complainers

"Stop complaining. 80% of those listening don't care, the other 20% are glad something bad is happening to you." Lou Holtz

I've had difficulty over the past week or so with some of the conversations I've had with friends and/or acquaintances. It's about the "they" issue.

The "they" issue refers to complaining about the way things are done here. I'm particularly sensitive to this as I went through my own issues on this score a few weeks ago that I described as my "Manila Moments" (Culture Shock Part 3). Well it seems like it is very difficult to participate in a gathering of ex-pats without the conversation eventually heading into complaining mode. The maid who doesn't do things "right", Manila drivers, over-attentive sales clerks, rubbish in the streets, lack of urban planning, and so on and so on. What's even worse is when there is a Filipino in our midst and someone just blithely babbles on with the complaints about "them". The Filipinos.

Yesterday I spent a great day with a friend I quite like, but on the trip home I listened to what seemed to be non-stop complaining. By the time I got home, despite the fun outing, I was exhausted and feeling quite down. So what did I do? Poured a glass of wine and started complaining about the expat complainers. Just as I am doing now.

I have met the enemy and she is me.

I heard somewhere that 30-40% of all conversation is about complaining and commiseration. I can believe it. Last year, a Kansas pastor by the name of Will Bowen decided to do something about it and started an anti-complaining campaign. He challenges people to take the 21-day no complaining challenge. What you do is wear a purple rubber bracelet on one wrist and every time you catch yourself complaining, you switch it to the other wrist. What also happens is that you then go back to Day 1. In other words, you need to complete 21 consecutive days with no complaints to complete the challenge. Pastor Bowen says that it took him 3 and a half months to get through it.

To date 5,439,532 purple rubber bracelets have been distributed world wide through the A Complaint Free World website. (Although I'm thinking silver or gold should work just as well!) Why so many? The Pastor and his campaign was featured on NBC and Oprah as well as some popular blogs.

I also learned a new word which describes another phenomenon I notice in these conversations as people attribute motives and interpret behaviour through their own particular lense, as they try to make sense out of things that seem to make no sense. It's confirmation bias described as

…a tendency to search for or interpret new information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions and avoid information and interpretations which contradict prior beliefs.

So, in the interests of "healing thyself" first, I have decided to join the anti-complaining crusade and I now have my silver bracelet on. In the last hour I've switched wrists twice!

Now if only those expats would shut the f@#% up. Oops, over to the other wrist...

For anyone who may be complaining about their work, here's something that might help. There are worse jobs!

Cappuccino and Typhoon Fengshen

I was woken up yesterday morning at about 4:00 by the sound of heavy winds outside. The sky was cloudy but there was no rain. From my bed I can see through one of our large bedroom windows across to the airport. It was still dark, the lights of the city were shining and I could track the approach of planes to the airport. I could see that something was not right. I saw one plane approaching the runway and instead of landing it pulled up and continued on. I watched another plane circle above the airport for ten minutes or so, before touching down. There was one more landing and that was it. The wind was getting stronger. I'm thinking that one of those flights must have been Philippine Air from Vancouver, which lands at 4:30 a.m.

The noise from outside got stronger and stronger so I got up. Checking the news on the internet, and fixing myself a cappuccino, I settled in at the "sunset cocktail hour viewing point" (a.k.a. my bedroom window) to watch the storm. Between 5 and 6 a.m. the typhoon hit Manila directly. The roaring wind was really scary although I was certainly safe enough, high and dry on my perch. The rain started, massive sheets of it, trees below were whipping around. After a few hours the wind lessened a bit but it continue to pour with rain all day long. I could only begin to imagine what all those people down at ground zero, in low lying areas living in flimsy, makeshift homes were experiencing.










The storm has moved on towards Taiwan and things are now clear today. Death toll numbers change hourly as thousands are still missing. One of the many tragic things that happened was this ferry, the Princess of the Stars, heading from Manila to Cebu capsized offshore with 700 people aboard. Although everyone knew it was there and in need of help, no one could get to it all day Sunday, as the wind and waves were too treacherous for any rescue attempt. Here's what it looks like today.



Already this year 6 typhoons have hit various places in the Philippines although this was the first to hit Manila directly. On the elevator today I was talking to an American guy about yesterday's storm. He said that although it was bad, it was not as bad as the last one to hit Manila a year and a half ago. Typhoon Fengshen was a category 1 typhoon - the last was considered a category 5 and was hugely destructive. Whatever, we can do without them (although that is unlikely to happen).

Culture Shock Part 3: The "Why" Question

Generally speaking I think I'm pretty laid back and for the most part positive in attitude. I long ago mastered the art of delegating worrying, so I don't do much of that at all. (What, me worry?) Stress levels are usually fairly low these days. However, despite this, I too have been known to succumb to the phenomenon known to all expats as "Having a Manila Moment".

This past week has been full of them.

What does it mean to experience a Manila Moment? Well it could be an overwhelming urge to scream or lose it or punch someone or weep with frustration. Or all of the above. It could be when the petty irritants build and build until you are near to exploding and just can't believe what you are going through and ask how can some people be so stupid or so incompetent or so mindless or so fucked up (technical term). Or all of the above. And even worse, is that you know, you KNOW, with absolute and complete certainty, that should you indeed scream, lose it, punch, weep, explode or in any way lose your cool, you are doomed. And it will change nothing. Except the interpersonal dynamics and the loss of face on both sides.

I have said that this is a country of "little pieces of paper". Every transaction requires multiple pieces of paper, forms in triplicate, numerous clerks involved and, what appears to MY eyes, complete inefficiency and waste of time. (Are you with me all of you who have spent time abroad???) An example. In early days I went to a store that sells electronics and small appliances. I wanted to buy a small appliance and pay by credit card. I selected the item and then...waited. And waited. And counted. SIXTEEN people were involved in that transaction. I'm not making this up. One person helped me select and took it to a counter. Another person wrote on a little piece of paper. Then another person took my credit card and wrote on another little piece of paper. And then took the little piece of paper to another person who did God knows what. And on and on, right through to the security guard at the front door who examined the purchase, peered closely at yet another little piece of paper, then stamped it, with gusto before allowing me to leave the building - leaving, I might add, as a defeated blithering idiot, a mere shadow of my former self. As I escaped from this retail purgatory and got in the car, I said to Lory, "If I EVER ask you to bring me here again, DON'T!"

This past week our brand new car turned out to need a brand new transmission. It took 8 days and involved dealing with the Honda dealer and service department and also with the car rental company for our temporary replacement. Thank goodness I have no job, because all of this became my full time job. I'll say no more. I already used up my rant space on the appliance purchase.

I notice there is a phrase we all tend to use. It starts with the word "Why". "Why" do they...(fill in the blank)? It always implies that there is no need for it, that it is inefficient, that there is a better way to do it, and so on. The truth is it means we are looking at this world through our back home lense, our back home experience - which just happens to be a back home world of quite extraordinary efficiency, technology and productivity. There's absolutely no comparison, but still, we do compare. There is no answer to those, really rhetorical, questions. Or if there is an answer of some sort, it is so very much more complex than the question itself. So I've decided that I'm eliminating the word "why" from my vocabulary. I'll use positive reinforcement so for every x days I don't use the word "why", I'll treat myself to something swell. Behaviour modification for the sake of my own sanity.

After all the car drama was over this morning - car fixed and back, rental car returned, all those people and little pieces of paper out of my life, I headed to the spa. Reflexology and lymphatic massage. Two and a half hours, 1200 pesos (27 bucks). As I was into some serious relaxing it occurred to me, once again, that it is all in the attitude. Ommmmmm.

May those Manila moments be few and far between.

Peace.

Tonight I sat in a darkened room looking out the big windows from my perch on the 32nd floor. I watched an extraordinary performance of a lightning storm (no rain) playing high in the sky over the citylights. Huge and powerful, like fireworks from the natural world, the real world, it went on for hours. Lucky.


(Not my photo - don't I wish? This from www.chaseday.com "An image site for tornado chasers, weather photographers, sky lovers and dreamers")