Household Help

A friend recently wrote me asking a lot of very important questions – like how many shoes have I bought, have I really retired, am I decorating for Christmas, and more. (Answers: one (although did buy an additional two pairs in Australia), yes (never say never), no). She also pointed out that my blog says “selected stories” – so what isn’t being told? (Answer on my mind today probably has something to do with the negativity of others). But the most important question, as she put it, was “did you hire the maid?”

Recently I have been listening to a lot of discussion by expats and also Filipinos about household help. It seems to be quite a lively topic of conversation. I had the great good fortune to be invited to a Filipina friend’s beach house last week in Batangas province about three hours from Manila, past Tagaytay, that I wrote about earlier. What a fantastic drive, past sugar cane and rice fields, mountains and tropical lushness. Then…the destination. THE SEA. This country (ex Manila) is absolutely gorgeous!


There were six women houseguests on this overnight pyjama party plus our hostess. Six Filipinas plus me. It was a wonderful opportunity to hang out in a Filipino home, eating authentic home cooking (very good – wonderful cook) and listen to the gossip – including what they really think about the political scene here. I felt very lucky indeed to be there.

In addition to the seven of us, there were two drivers, three maids and the caretaker who stays there all the time. I found it interesting at our mealtime conversations how much of the talk was about maids. And I’m very sure that in the “downstairs” part of this “upstairs, downstairs” household, there was a lot of talk and gossip about employers as well! Every Filipina I meet who has spent time abroad, either living or visiting, always comments on how awful it is in North America to have no help and how painful it is to have to do things themselves.

Four of the women were there to play Mah Jong. Very serious business indeed. In fact, in this great house overlooking the sea from most rooms, these gals (including our hostess) spent the entire time in one of the ground floor bedrooms, around a card table with shades pulled down and air conditioner cranked up. There had been talk earlier of teaching me to play but that was obviously out of the question. These were pro’s! At one point I went in and watched, having never seen Mah Jong before. I was completed befuddled until one of the ladies said, “It’s just like gin rummy” and with that point of reference I started figuring out what they were doing. The tiles themselves were beautiful, but I doubt if they notice that, so intent are they on playing and winning and losing back and forth from each other.



That left me and my two other friends to amuse ourselves. We drove around the neighborhood looking at all the homes and I took lots and lots of pictures, none of which really do the place justice, it’s that gorgeous. We did go down to the beach which we had entirely to ourselves, this being midweek, except for the guy sweeping the sand under the tamarind trees. My two Filipina friends completely refused to be out in the sun and walked under umbrellas for a short time, before finding a spot under a tree. Even then they wouldn’t stay out very long. Tanning is anathema for them. In addition to wrinkle issues there’s something else going on here. Keeping skin light is a very important beauty objective here. All the magazines and newspapers have dozens of ads for “skin whitening” lotions. I once read a reader’s letter to a beauty columnist complaining because her underarms were too dark (I never realized that could be a problem). The response was to recommend a special cream specifically designed to whiten underarms. I’m not making this up.

I digress (as usual). Yes I hired the maid. Rebecca starts work this Sunday afternoon. She is the wife of the driver of friends of ours. Their home is in “the province”, about a 3 hour bus ride away, where their four children live. The youngest is 17. The husband lives-in at our friends’ house, who allow his wife, Rebecca, to stay there as well, even though she doesn’t work there. Rebecca has many many years experience working for expat families and has very good references. She put out the word, through my friend, that she was looking for new employment in Makati, so she would be closer to her husband. She was working for a family some distance away and the travel and separation was becoming a hardship. This arrangement appears to be a win-win for us both. She lives close by and prefers to live out, as is my preference. When I was interviewing, some of my first questions were “where do you live” and “how long does it take to get to work”. In some of these women’s circumstances, living out is tough. Factoring in very long (sometimes 2 hours+ one way) commuting times, it’s a real grind. But…it’s a job (and being a maid especially in an expat home is a good one), and in this land of extreme poverty, sacrifices are made. But I wasn’t comfortable with it.

Rebecca will work from 9-6 Monday to Friday, and 1-5 on Sunday. They are Seventh Day Adventists so request Saturday as their day off. Next week will be orientation by fire, as I’m hosting two luncheons. She’ll be my sous-chef. But the following week I’ll be away in Laos and Thailand, so the pace will be much lighter, to say the least. There will no doubt be big adjustments for both of us.

Our other staff member is Lory, our driver. Lory has been driving for expat families for at least 18 years. As a matter of fact, today I met his second to last employer, who he drove for for 13 years. Listening to her and to her approach to things, I think she must have been the one who trained him so well. He is very professional (my ultimate compliment). He lives about an hour away, by motorcycle. This employer I speak about bought him a motorcycle as his commute used to be 2 hours by jeepney, and as she told it, she used to feel guilty being out at night past 11:00, thinking of Lory having such a long commute, and an early start in the morning. The next employer bought him a new motorcycle as well. Lory has 7 children, the two youngest are in upper teens and still in school. People here have to pay big time to send their children to school. Lory officially works 6 days a week from 8:00 to 7:00 but he is on salary so for all those weeks that we will be traveling he will have the time off with pay. (There may be opportunities for him to do day-driving work during these times for extra money). Also he doesn’t always work those hours – if we’re done earlier, we send him home. Or if I’m on my own, he starts later. He gets overtime pay for evenings or if he works Sundays and holidays.

There are labor laws here that relate to household staff but they are fairly basic. Many Filipinos bring their young maids in from “the province” and train them. Their home is then in their employer’s home. Benefits can be seen more as benevolence, and indeed there is wide variety in how people are treated. Generally speaking (and I’ve seen survey results on this) household staff of expats are paid much better and are provided with more benefits.

So, how does this all really affect me? Well, in this city of traffic chaos, I love having a driver. There are more vehicles on the road than the infrastructure can support and it is common to see what is a 3-lane road actually supporting 4-lanes. I’ve stacked the back seat with a bunch of magazines, so when the traffic is truly hairy, and that bus belching smoke is 6 inches from the side of the car, I’m refusing to look and have my nose deep into a magazine article about Borocay. Plus I never have to find a parking spot and get dropped off and picked up at the front door of wherever I am. PLUS someone opens my door for me! Now THAT takes some getting used to.